Monday, November 29, 2010

Team in Training - Week 2

So today began Week 2 of Team-in-Training activity.  This week's goal is to run 5 times for at least 20 minutes at a crack.  The whole goal of this phase of the training is to start to build up endurance.  There isn't any specific question for speed or distant but just to keep up the running for 20 minutes once you start.  Twenty minutes is the minimum that you need to run, however most days it is recommended that you run at 30 minutes with a long run over the weekend of 40 minutes.

I accomplished my first of the five runs today.  Though because it is cold I ran inside on the treadmill at the gym.  My goal with this phase of the training is to build up my endurance without getting injured.  My biggest injury concern is getting shin splints as we I used to run a lot in the past I was very prone to shin splints.  Hopefully I can avoid that painful condition!

I haven't yet begun my fund raising for my team-in-training effort but I am going to make the first plug here.  I need donations to fund my efforts in the fight against blood cancer.  Please consider making a donation to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society from my Team-in-Training website.  The web address of my Team-in-training website is:  I would greatly appreciate any and all contributions made by everyone.  Even if it is only $5 I would really appreciate it.  THANKS!!! 

I feel like I need to further clarify last night's post.  Basically, I have said this before I believe.  I feel that all the good things I have done in my life have been overshadowed by actions concerning the breakup with Shelly.  I felt really bad about this last night because I felt I was being judged by a friend who I would not have expected this from.  Anyway - I made a mess of how I said it on the blog last night.  I made it sound like there were two different sides to a story - which there aren't.  There is only the truth and I think I have told as much of the true as I humanly can.  Anyway - the way I wrote about it last night just wasn't the way I wanted to convey it.

I hope everyone had a great Monday so far!

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.


Clarifying My Blog Entry of Last Night...

I took a few minutes to re-read what I wrote last night and I wanted to clarify it.

I am not looking to place blame anywhere but on me.  I was particularly hurt last night because of the words of someone who I considered a good friend.  The person used my words that I had written in my blog to condemn me.  I was sad because I don't try and toot my own horn here.  I try and put the worst of myself forward. 

Oh well - I shouldn't have written about it because I couldn't write about with the clarity I wanted.  I stumbled on my words and made it sound like crap.  Bottom line - I was hurting last night.

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

My Blog As A Personal Diary

Throughout the entire time I have been blogging I have used my blog as a basically a private diary that  I have put in the public eye.  I haven't put everything out there, but I feel that I have put a lot of my life out there in this blog.  I have a question I would like to ask my readers - Do I put too much stuff out there?  So either post a comment or send me an e-mail at with what you think - as I would love to here it.

I know I have put a tremendous amount of stuff out there about my relationship with Shelly and my love for her.  In some ways I have used the blog to communicate this information to Shelly as it has been one of my only ways of communicating with her.  I know for a while she used to read the blog, I am not sure that she even does that anymore.

My life must seem extremely messed up to most people who read my blog.  I guess in some ways it is.  I do keep life for Zack very ordinary and even keeled.  He unfortunately did have to see a lot of the conflict between Shelly and me at the end.  There probably wasn't any way to avoid that, but had I been a better parent I probably could have prevented that.

One of the things that frustrates me the most with blog is that I tend to put things out there about myself in the most negative light as I have been seeking forgiveness from Shelly - and lots of people have judged me based upon this.  I know I have said in many of my posts "Judge as you will".  But it is frustrating to have people judge you when they only know one side of the story.  (And by that I don't mean my side of the story versus Shelly's side of the story.  Instead I mean I have never portrayed some of the good things I have done - always the negative.)  I purposely haven't been to forth coming in which I have done good things.  As a result of the judgment I will say I feel very isolated and depressed.  The depression of course goes far beyond the judgment.  Much of it comes from the way the situation went down with Shelly.  But I do feel I have gotten a short side of a stick.

(I have read and re-read the section above and it didn't come out the way I wanted.  I was just saying I feel down trodden and I feel that some of my friends and people in my life have judged me in ways that are necessarily true.  Let me be clear - I am not placing any responsibility on Shelly.  I am taking the responsibility on myself.  I just feel sad that people who I know and love can judge so harshly.)

Argh....  I will definitely write more about this entire subject later as there is just so much to say.  There is so much hurt bundled up in me.  I hate feeling this way.  I hate feeling that people hate me and think so little of me.  I have tried to be honest with what I have posted on this blog.  I am just very frustrated and depressed right now.

Peace to all! ~J.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Deer Creek Canyon Ten Miler

Yesterday was a busy day!  It started with our ten mile hike in Deer Creak Canyon Open Space Park.  Deer Creek Canyon is a Jeffco Open Space and is huge.  It encompasses over 1800 acres and supports over 20 miles of trails.

Zack and I got involved in this hike earlier in the week when Zack got a call from his friend Augustus asking us if he wanted to go on a hike with him.  Augustus needed to complete one more ten mile hike to get his hiking merit badge for boy scouts.  Given the discussions that Zack and Augustus have had in the past about hiking, Augustus knew we were pretty serious hikers.  Given that no one else from Augustus' boy scout troop was trying to finish this merit badge before the end of the year - Augustus called us.

So four of us (me, Zack, Augustus and Augustus' mom) set out around 8:45AM Saturday morning to do this hike.  Since I was driving Zack and I stopped at Burger King to get our normal pre-hike breakfast.  After that it was the short drive over to Deer Creek Canyon to get our hike underway.  We arrived at the trail head at 9:15AM and were one of the few cars in the parking lot.  As soon as we arrived we saw our first animals as there were 2 very large mule deer hanging around near the parking lot.  The really took no notice of us and just kept grazing away.

The hike itself was very uneventful.  The only really surprising thing was when Lex scared up a turkey about 20 feet away from us.  The ruccous that turkey made as it flew into the trees scared the crap out of everyone.

We did a combination of the Meadow Lark, Plymouth Creek, Golden Eagle and Red Mesa's trails to get our total distance to 10 miles.  It was hard work but in some ways it was surprisingly easy.  The last time I did a hike this long was back in 2005 when I hiked to the top of Red Buffalo Pass from Mesa Cortina and back in on day - that was something like 12 miles and seemed much harder than this.

For most of the hike we were in two different groups - Augustus and me in the front and then Zack and Augustus' mom at the back.  Lex made every effort possible to spend as much time going back and forth between the two groups and ended up probably going at least 20 miles distance on this hike.

All-in-all it was a good hike.  It great to be able to know that Zack can hike 10 miles without any problems.

After the hike Zack and I hurried home as I wanted to get somethings done and we had tickets to the Nuggets game.  When we got home I managed to watch a little of the CU/Nebraska game and see CU get beat yet again.  But we were only home for about 2 hours before we had to leave for the Nuggets games.

The Nuggets were playing the Chicago Bulls and the game was pretty good.  It came down to a last minute buzzer beater shot from Carmelo Anthony.  Z and I did not see it as we did our normal routine and left at the end of the 3rd Quarter.

Today has been all about working here around the house.  I have done a ton of laundry and cleaned up the kitchen, family room and dining room.  We even got back to one of the projects we didn't finish in Zack's room - we cleaned underneath this bed!  It is really funny to see the impact of all my work on the house as now clean up efforts don't take long at all as there isn't that much stuff around to clean up!

Despite it all I definitely continue to feel extremely depressed and anxious.  I thought with all the activity of the last several days I would finally start losing this sense of depression.  But I am not.  It sticks to my heart like flies to fly paper.  The bottom line is that my heart belongs to Shelly and always will. Without her in my life it is very hard to move forward, backward, sideways, any way...  I love this woman and I don't see this love dying or going away.  I feel that it is a bleak future that I face.

Below are the pictures taken on the hike yesterday.

 Thanks and peace to all! ~J.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Ten Miles on Foot and a Nuggets Game

There is a ton I want to write tonight about our 10 mile hike today in Deer Creek Canyon Open Space.  The goal of ten miles was inspired by one of our neighbors who needed a 10 mile hike to finish his hiking merit badge for Boy Scouts.  He didn't have anyone else to hike with so he asked Zack and me to accompany him. 

I'll write much more about all of this tomorrow as we just came home from the Nuggets game and Zack is still up and about.  I am getting him to bed then going to bed myself.  I am trying to set a standard schedule for sleeping with the hope that I might get my mind to rest and come down from this anxiety driven jag I have been on since September 28th.  So far it is NOT working.

Til tomorrow - peace!  ~J.


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Be Thankful

It is 10:00PM on Thanksgiving Evening and I am watching the news.  The top story of the news day is about "Black Friday" sales that are beginning this evening.  Wow - is that all that Thanksgiving is about anymore?  To me it seems kind of silly and sad.

For me the thought of what today is about is something different.  It has nothing to do with sales or Black Friday - but it has to do with family and helping people.  I won't go into the details but it was something that took me a good bit of time today but helped out people who were close to me.  (Not trying to pat myself on my back.)  It pretty much took away my entire morning, but it helped out - so it was worth it.

Really it would be good if we all thought about what "giving" thanks means.  I don't think I do a good job at it, but I know I want to try and do better.  And I certainly don't want it to be about physical possessions or good - hopefully I have never made giving thanks about that.

Anyway - I am keeping it short tonight because I am sleepy and would really like to sleep the night through.

Be thankful!


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Greenland Open Space Trail Hike

Today was the first day of Thanksgiving break for both Zack and me.  We were both awake by 6:00AM and were out of bed shortly thereafter.  (Zack and Lex always come into my bedroom to snuggle with me early in the morning.  Instead of snuggling this morning we just decided to get up and get going for the day.)

The morning dawned crispy, cold and cloudy.  There was a huge storm rolling into Colorado’s high country this morning.  Though Denver wasn’t to get any snow out of this storm, today was a day filled with cold, wind and clouds.

Given the weather forecast we decided that if we were going to do a hike today we needed to do it early and we needed to head to the south as areas to the west and north were supposed to get pounded by the snow.  As a result of all this we were in the car by 8:30AM headed south on I-25 to the Douglas County Greenland Open Space.  This open space is located about 20 miles south of our home off the Greenland exit off of I-25.  We have hiked at this open space before but it has been a while since we have been there.  

After a drive through breakfast from Burger King we arrived at the open space trail head a couple of minutes before 9:00AM.  It was definitely warmer there than it had been at home, but still the temperature was hovering around 30 degrees – so it was a brisk morning for a hike.  What makes this hike worse than other areas is that 90% of the hike is over terrain that is exposed to the wind.  There are few to any trees around as you are mainly hiking across open prairie.

Despite the cold we had a great hike and went further from the trail head then we had ever gone before.  On our hike out the wind was at our backs so almost the whole way back to the car we were walking into a driving wind.  That wasn’t exactly fun but it certainly could have been worse.

We spent about 2 – 2.5 hours hiking through the beautiful country.  We reached a point where we mounted a small ridge that had the ruins of an old house upon it.  After trying to get close to the ruins we decided it was time to head back and start home.  

The rest of the day was all about preparing for tomorrow.  I had to go to the store and buy a bunch of things for all the stuff that I am making for tomorrow.  We will be spending the day with Tim and Celinde and a number of other people who will be there.  It should be a good day!

Below are the pictures that I took on the hike today.

Peace! ~J.