I Forget....

Tonight I am here in my "mountain house". After I was done working this afternoon Zack and I travelled to our condo in the mountains above Silverthorne, Colorado. Our ride to the condo was long and boring as traffic sucked the majority of the way from Centennial to Silverthorne. It took us on the order of 2 hours to get here when it normally takes us 1 hour and 10 minutes. We experienced a big change with our trip today - we only brought one dog - Lex. I was very concerned that had I brought Bailey he would not have made it. The last time I had him here in the mountains I had to save him from falling down a flight of stairs. I just didn't want to take the chance that he would do serious damage to himself by being here in the mountains. So I left him at home with Nancy. I am writing tonight's blog entry from my Lenovo Thinkpad as I don't have a broadband card in my Mac. I am composing it as I sit here on my bed in the master bedroom of the condo. Lex is sound asleep next to me. It is very comforting to have him here beside me. But I forget... I forget what side of this bed Patty used to sleep on when we came to the mountains. That is very disturbing to me. Memories of her are begin to slide away from me. With the July 4th weekend it is now 3 years since she was last in our condo. And there are so many things about her that are beginning to fade and slide away into the deep recesses of my memory. Tomorrow will mark one year since I last had a conversation with Patty in which she was able to respond to me. Yes - after that I still could talk to her physical form for almost another 2 weeks, but she was lost to me for good at that point. Though I really lost her as my partner in January of 2008 I still at least talk to her and get some kind of reaction from her. From January 18, 2008 onward she could listen to me, but her mind was not capable of grasping what I said. It sucks. It sucks really badly. What makes it worse right now is I thought I had rediscovered a similar connection - only to find that was a pipedream. So tonight I sit her with Lex by my side and I try and remember. But I realize I am forgetting more and more. Don't leave my memory Patty Rae. I want you there forever.