I am writing today's blog entry as an open letter. This open letter is meant for a person who is very close to the one I love.
I know there is much sadness, despair and even anger that fills you right now. I know I have no ground on which to stand upon, but please direct that anger to me and all the men in the world like me. Your daughter is a good person and though you feel she has let you down in some way - it is really me and the men like me. Now more than ever your daughter needs you and her family to come around her and surround her with love and joy. She loves you all desperately and needs your support and love.
I did the things that brought your daughter to the place that is she is now. I did not do them with an evil intention. I did them in a mindless, brainless way that men do the things that we do. I had the choice to not do them and be good and I didn't. I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to cause all this pain that everyone is suffering.
I am trying so hard to make it right. I am praying for forgiveness everyday. Yes -you know that I am not really religious, but when bad things like this occur, we tend to turn to our foundations. I have prayed and asked god, and my patron saints for forgiveness. I have prayed to those people who have left us in the past years and months who have been close to me and in particular that one who was so close to you. I have prayed and asked them to intercede for me. I have not made those prayers out of arrogance but out of humility and desperation. As I know that what your daughter and I have had is one of the best things a couple could wish for and yet I messed it up. (Yes - we had our conflict, but the beauty of that was we survived it and were growing as a couple.)
All I can do is ask for your forgiveness. If you can forgive I can give your daughter a life of happiness, joy and contentment. I think if you were to ask her she might agree with that - though I am not 100% sure. I beg forgiveness of you! More than just begging forgiveness, I am working hard to show that I deserve it by being the better person. I would love to talk with you. You can always reach me at 303-619-5911. If you give me the opportunity, I will tell you of my remorse and demonstrate to you who I will work to achieve grace once again.
Thanks and peace to all! ~J.