Fall Break - Day 4

I wish I had some great adventure to report from today but unfortunately I do not.  Unlike the other days so far this week I did not have anything planned for us to do.  Instead it was a day of working around the house trying to complete some projects before we headed into the weekend.

The major piece of work that was completed today was "Operation Clean Zack's Room".  At long last I have Zack's room in some semblance of order.  I didn't do the cram everything in the closet routine - I actually cleaned.  I have 2 huge bags of stuff to go to Goodwill and 1 huge bag of garbage to go out.  Needless to say Zack is not happy with me because I forced him to get rid of a lot of stuff.  The work is not yet 100% complete as I have yet to go through some of his drawers and part of the closet.  But I have done the majority of it and I feel pretty good about it.  On top of that I plan to replace his "kid" stuff like his Winnie the Pooh lamp with more age suitable things.

For an example of what I have done, take a look at the before and after photographs of his room.  I think you can see the difference!

(Before Photo 1)

(Before Photo 2)

(Before Photo 3)

(After Photo 1)

(After Photo 2)

(After photo 3 - even Lex finds it more comfortable!)

I think we must have gotten 30 phone calls on our home phone today.  Almost all of them were political advertisements asking me to make sure I vote next Tuesday.  I cannot wait until this election is over and the political ads and telephone calls stop!

Zack had his weekly swimming lesson today and did a really good job.  Because of schedule mess ups and stuff it has been awhile since he had a lesson.  Regardless his teacher was very happy with how well he did.  During the course of his lesson he swam over 300 meters!  I think this is a new record for Zack.

Besides all the work we did around the house today I also had an appointment with my psychologist.  I have this appointment every week either on Fridays or Thursday.  The whole purpose of me meeting with the psychologist is to discuss how I can become a better person - as Shelly used to say how I can "walk in truth".

I never want to be that person who hurt her again.  I want to build inside myself a sense of worth that makes it impossible for me to do wrong towards a person I love by cheating on them.  As part of today's discussion with the psychologist I made what I feel to be a very important decision.  I have decided that I am not going to carry on with a social life where I am going out to bars or taking part in parties.  My validation of who and what I am is coming from within me these days and I do not want to re-build a life where I am dependent upon others for that sense of validation.  Most importantly, I want to show Shelly (I always have fun with that phrase - show Shelly - lol) that I am dedicated to her and I am not going to intertwine my life in some out of control social setting or party - that is NOT who I want to be.  If she ever returns to me, I want her to know how absolutely dedicated to her I am.  I want to have a life like we had before where she is the foundation of my life and I don't need anything else.  This is of particular importance as we go into the Halloween weekend as there are lots of parties taking place and I was invited to several - through friends who feel sorry for me {they shouldn't}.  Instead of being out partying and having fun - I will be home being with Zack being the best parent I can be.

Well that is about it for the day.  Oh - forgot one thing - I got our hot tub fixed today.  Early last winter the thermostat burnt out.  I decided this week to get it repaired as long as it didn't cost too much.  Thankfully the cost to repair it was quite low and in a couple of days Zack and I will be back to hanging in the hot tub on cold fall nights.

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.

FYSRD