Monday, October 25, 2010

Fall Break - Day 1

Today was the first day of Zack’s fall break.  I have taken the week off from work to be able to be with him and so that we can get out and do some things.  The week has not started the way I originally planned.  I had thought that yesterday at the conclusion of the Steeler game we would head to the mountains and spend the first several days of fall break hanging out there and hiking.  Because of the impending storm in the mountains I decided against that plan.  I didn’t want to travel the whole way to Silverthorne and then be snowbound in the condo.  We remained here in Denver yesterday instead of heading to Silverthorne.  In the afternoon we took Lex out and went for a walk at Wash Park in Denver.  We came back to see the final stomping of the Broncos on TV by the Raiders.  That was an ugly game!

Sunday evening I made a pasta dish for dinner and then we hung around the house and relaxed in the family room while reading books.  We both got to bed early but despite having taken one of the sleeping pills my doctor prescribed for me, I was awake at 3:30AM.  As hard as I tried I could not fall back asleep.  So around 5:45AM I final got up and headed to the gym.  I managed to get in a good work out before the sun had even risen. 

Though I am on vacation this week, I did commit to taking part in some crucial conference calls at various points during the week.  I did three calls throughout the morning including one while I was in the chair donating platelets at the Bonfils blood donation center in Highland Ranch.  Today my platelet count was pretty high so they took 2 units of platelets off of me – which kept me in the chair for over 2 hours.

By the time I returned home it was going on noon.  While I was gone Zack had been reading and playing around.  Given it is fall break for him and my commitment to him that we were going to try and do something everyday we got a move on it and went to the Forney Transportation Museum in Denver.  This museum though small is truly remarkable.  There are some really unique pieces of transportation history there – including one of the largest locomotives ever manufactured.  We spent several hours wandering around there looking at everything.

(Zack in front of the wheels of "Big-Boy" one of the biggest locomotives ever made.)

(Me in front of Big-Boy.)

 (Zack in front of car once owned by Amelia Earhart.)

After that we headed into central Denver to get a very late lunch/early dinner.  We ended up at a place I had wanted to try for a long time – The Rocky Mountain Diner.  It wasn’t anything particularly special, but it was still a good experience to go there after having driven and walked by the place for years.

One of the grim thoughts and realizations of this day is that no matter how hard I try, redemption seems to be permanently out of my reach.  It is a very bitter pill to swallow.
I want so badly to reach out to her and ask her – if there is any hope of redemption, but I can’t.  I know this is perhaps her busiest week of work for the entire year, and so I must give her time and space.  My suffering, my worry, my thoughts are not important.  So I must hold tight and wait.

It would be so much easier to just say forget it and move on with life and go find someone else to date.  But I can’t as I truly love this woman.  And until every possibility is exhausted I will show my determination and love of her.  Through my silence and lack of contact with her, I will show her that I understand and that I am sorry for betraying her.  

Not sure what Day 2 of Fall Break will bring us.  I keep threatening Zack that we are going to drive the whole way up to the Pawnee Buttes and do a hike there.  It is a threat because he doesn’t have video games so he will be bored to death driving the 2.5 hours there and then back.  Good way to teach him a lesson about getting suspended from school!  

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.

PS Shelly if you read this...  I took your advice and bought shelves for my shoes today.  No more shoes underneath the bed!

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