Friday, February 3, 2012

Swirling and Twirling - thoughts racing back and forth...

An adjective is a word that is used to describe a noun.  The adjective adds color to objects, indicates whether it moves fast or slow - it can even describe the temperament of a creature.  Adjectives are the words that bring our language to life.  Without these words, our actions might be glamorous, flashy or even scary but the objects in our world would be boring and  nondescript.

With the power these words add to our language they are best used with thoughtfulness to create a strong meaningful sentence.  What adjectives should I use to describe my thoughts?  Whatever words I use they need to be strong and convey a powerful sense of being and purpose.  Because my thoughts are strong - they are things that keep me going - they form the agenda of my life in today's present and in what ever far off future I might still inhabit.

I am lost in a forest of adjectives as I sit trying to capture the best essence of my thoughts.  Are my thoughts grandiose and unrealistic?  Or are my thoughts carefully considered and determined?  Perhaps even my thoughts are fanciful and lacking of purpose.  This is a question that I could ponder for years I feel.  But I don't have years to ponder such silliness.  Instead I need to take these chaotic, twirling, swirling ideas that are forever banging throughout my brain and put some semblance of organization to them.

Perhaps it is a result of not getting enough physical activity in recent months or perhaps it is because I have consumed so different pain pills as I sought out physical relief from pain, regardless of what it has been, my mind for the last  3 - 4 months has been in an uproar - filled with plans, ideas and goals.  It is like my brain has become a teapot that is constantly reaching the boiling point as there is no stopping the constant motion in my brain.  Or it may be a very simple explanation, as the amount of my physical activity has decreased my mental activity has increased.  All of these are interesting possibilities.

Today has been another day filled with those thoughts.  It started last night as I lay in bed with my left hip and back wracked in painful agony.  As I watched the news my mind honed in on one story in particular.  It was the story of a man who recently left this world by his own hand - Noel Cunningham.  This is a man who I did not personally know but who I did have the opportunity to meet once.  Noel was a famous restauranteur here in Denver and was responsible for one of the best kept secrets in this city - a restaurant called Strings.  Given his creation of this wonderful restaurant you would think that this was enough for which this man was to be known.  But that isn't the half, or even a tenth of for what Noel will be remembered.

Instead Noel will be remembered as a person who was selfless in his desire to do good for others.  With the help of his restaurant behind him and his connection to the elites of Denver, Noel was able to start and significantly fund a foundation that sought to improve the lives of poor people where ever they lived.  Whether it was the poor of Colorado, or those in far away Ethiopia, Noel seemed to want to help everyone. 

I am not a Noel Cunningham nor will I ever be a person like him with as great of a drive and the ability to gather people towards a common cause of helping others as he had.  I am however determined more than ever to want to try and make a difference.  There is no specific trigger in my mind that has set me off in this direction, but I feel that something is calling me to do more to help.  In someways it is all part of the plan I described last week to get out of my rut.  I don't even really know where to start other than doing what I am already doing and doing more of it.  There is just this thing, this idea that is gnawing at my soul and my mind to do more.  I need to figure out someway to engage myself even more in my neighborhood and all the communities that I belong to, so that I can do more.

Perhaps it is that I feel lucky to been where I have been in life and start to come out the other side of it feeling like I have survived and I have been blessed by luck.  And I don't just mean where I have been recently with my back and my surgery.  I mean in life in general.  There are so many things that could have dragged me off the path of being a good person and taken me through the muck of life.  But instead I am kind of doing OK.  For a while there I did think very serious going down a dark and ignoble path.  Those were the days in which it didn't matter to me if I drank a bottle of wine every night.  I started to think maybe it won't be so bad to drown my feelings and all the hurt I have felt over the last 6 years in a bottle of booze.  In the fall of 2011 I just felt like I didn't want to do that with my life anymore.  So I haven't.  I want to do something good - I want to be one of those people like a Noel Cunningham who help others.  Now I just need to figure out the best way to use my talents, skills and experience to be the most effective in helping others.  And don't get me wrong, it is not like I am wanting to dedicate my life to this - no I am way to selfish for that!  It's just that I think it is time for me to do more.

If anyone was wondering - the time I met Noel was when I was in his restaurant Strings many long moons ago.  It was a very enjoyable and captivating meal that I had in the restaurant that night.  And Noel was able to see that happiness in my face and the person with whom I was there that night.  So maybe I caught this feeling, this vibe when I saw the story on Noel because once he had recognized some goodness in me that allowed me to have a special meal in his restaurant that made someone else happy. 

And as to what adjectives I would use to describe my thoughts - I need to consider that one for a while longer.  Maybe someday I will figure that out, but in the meantime I want to get about all the plans and ideas that I have in my head.  Time isn't going to stand still for me and for the longest time I have been standing still while time has flown by.  I can't do that any longer.

This post will go up on the blog sometime on Friday morning, but I have started writing late on Thursday night.  Based upon how much I have written and what time it is now, I guess I started to write at about midnight.  The snow has been falling here for several hours and even though I knew Zack's school was going to be closed tomorrow, I didn't tell him that news before he went to bed.  He is going to be happy as a pig in slop when he hears that he doesn't have school tomorrow.

With the weather being as severe as it is, it should make for a good weekend for us.  It will give me more time to recuperate and it will allow us both time to do some things around the house.  This evening I have had a relatively major change in my pain levels with a lot of the "radiating" pain going away at least for right now.  This is a big deal to me as for a little while I felt like I did before I received these injuries.  I can only hope this lack of pain will remain!

For anyone wanting to read any of the stories about Noel Cunningham and all that he did, here are some of the links to the stories about him.  (This is the story I saw on Nine News last night.)

For those of you living in Denver and the eastern 1/3 of Colorado - take care of yourselves and stay safe.  It sounds as if conditions outside particularly to the east are really bad.  So be careful out there!!

With the weekend upon us and me in a mood to write, I might be churning out several blog entries a day.  For whatever reason I just have the determination to write.  I was even giving some thought to trying my hand at a short fiction story - but that will take a long time before I would feel confident enough to post something like that.  :-)

Be safe in the snow and have a great weekend!! ~J.

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