Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Is it time to give up???..... NO!

So another work week has dawned large in front of me.  The work week for me actually started late Sunday night when I had a call with one of my company's delivery team leaders in Dalian, China.  I cannot deny I truly hate working with company personnel based in China.  I have nothing personally against them or the country, except for the fact that it's work day falls almost exclusively within the zone of sleep for my time zone.  That really sucks because I always try to be the person who sucks up the time zone differential.  I figure as an executive within my company I need to demonstrate the leadership skills that are needed to motivate others within the company.  So if the difference comes down to me being awake at some god awful hour of the day as opposed to those who really do and deliver the work, I would rather take the hit to my sleep.  In some ways it doesn't really matter as my sleeping hours seem to be totally out of whack these days anyway.

The title of today's post is meant to refer to my ongoing issues with the L4/L5 joint in my back.  I am now 10+ days post surgery and as I sit here attempting to type, my entire body is wracked with pain.  I have never experienced this kind of ongoing permanent pain that I currently feel.  I did feel OK for the first 2 - 3 days after the last surgery, but since then the pain has come roaring back into my body.  Now there is nothing that seems to make it go away short of falling into a deep state of sleep.  I am really wondering what my next step is to correct this problem. 

I guess the answer to that question isn't going to come until I have another appointment with my surgeon.  That appointment is scheduled for this Thursday.  Though at times there is a deep depression in my heart about all of this pain, I have never been more determined to overcome something.  I am not going to let this pain put me in a place where I can't do the things I want.  It's going to take a while I am sure, but I am coming back from this injury stronger, faster and with more endurance than I had before this injury.  I will not be kept down and I will not live in pain.  This problem IS going to go away!  (The next step turns out to be taking massive doses of steroids.  This morning - Tuesday - I started on a prescription pack of 88mg of Prednisone.  We'll see how it goes maybe this quantity of steroids will calm down all the nerves that are causing the pain - who knows.)

OK - Enough about the back issue!  I don't want that stupid thing to consume my life and I have to be the one to stop it.  So enough is enough.

(Once again this blog entry has been written across 2 days as I started it on Monday and I am finishing it on Tuesday.)

I got one of the best e-mails from school about Zack that I have ever received.  Zack is definitely a little bit on the difficult side to work with.  Though he is my son and I love him more than anything he definitely adds stress to my life.  So when I receive and e-mail like this from one of the para-educators who works with him, I am happy as can be.  Here's the content of the e-mail I received.

"In all honesty, Zack's behavior has gotten to be much like that of any other seventh grade boy. Most of the fear mongering is gone (still a little here and there)  and now it is just dealing with the laziness that you referred to and a great deal of negotiating that he is attempting to participate in.

I did want to share with you something great that Zack started doing Friday. He has started taking his binders into social studies early so that he will not be late to class anymore. I honestly can't remember if this is something he and I discussed earlier in the year or if this is just something of his own initiative, but I did want to share with you the fact that he is stepping up with regards to being in social studies prepared and on time.

Sometimes I forget how much growth he's shown over the course of the year until I sit down and think about it."

It made me very happy to read that e-mail.  Of all the legacies that we create while we are here on earth our children are the most important.  To see that Zack is 'finally' starting to get it makes me so happy.  Perhaps, maybe just - I am not 100% failing at this parenting thing.

On another note - it has now been four months since Nancy has moved to Cranbrook.  There are a number of different observations about the changes in my since then.

1 - Nancy in some ways actually seems to enjoy the place.  She will never admit to it.  (She never reads my blog so I can say all this.)  Each day she will say how much she hates the place and then she will go on for 20 - 30 minutes giving me the run down of everything that is happening there.  She knows every one and everyone knows her.
2 - For us here at home it seems strangely quiet with only the 2 of us here.  So I either need to sell this place and get a small place or I have to find someone else to live here with us.  The silence I experience day-in and day-out as I sit here and work is deafening and I hate it.  Something I never realized about myself is that I hate being alone all the time.  When I was a kid I liked it - now I hate it.
3 - Despite her concerns Nancy is doing financial OK even though she is spending money to live in the Cranbrook.
4 - The outcome of all these changes have been weird to me.  The changes have been made all the worse by the fact that I have been laid up with this back issue.  The whole back thing has been such a downer on my whole life.  I feel a bit lost and out of my element as nothing seems normal to me.  I guess I just have to give it more time.  I also feel that broadening my social life and getting more people into the house as visitors will help.
5 - Zack has seemed pretty unaffected by the change.  He really has complained about it.  Additionally, when I go out on some evenings he is getting used to being home alone.  I don't do that too much, but it is good that he knows he can do OK being home alone. 

I think that will be it for tonight.  I have several other subjects to write upon but I will save them for another day.  Thanks for being my readers and I hope you enjoy my blog!

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.


Johanna said...

Praying for you, "Jerry the Blogger"...and I do enjoy your blog. Hope your back problem gets better soon.

soleless.runner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
soleless.runner said...

I was bloghopping and came to yours and was inspired with how you are dealing with what's going on. Keep up the hard work and stay strong!

Hope your back heals quickly