Saturday, November 19, 2011

Navigating through the Fog

Foggy days in Colorado seem to be very rare occurrences.  In Western Pennsylvania where I grew up, foggy days were extremely common, almost as common as they are at the ocean's shore.  For the last 5 - 6 weeks I feel like I have been living in one of those foggy days.  The world around me is gray and lacking of color.  The details of my every day activities feel washed out and far away - everything is lacking the details and my emotions seem dulled and listless.

(Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.  Picture was attributed to Florian K and used via the GNU Free documentation license via Wikimedia)

Much of this is a result of my physical condition as I continue to recover from the surgery on my left leg.  During the first month I was restricted in the fact that I couldn't put any weight on my left leg.  Hobbling along on crutches is difficult and it makes it hard to get around.  Though I have been allowed to walk for the last week, life still seems to be dragging on as the amount of pain I am experiencing as I resume walking is significant.  It is very difficult to get up and do a lot of stuff as within 10 - 15 minutes my left hip is screaming in pain.  So my ability to do a lot is severely restricted.  On top of that there have been several events that have emotionally tried me and put my mind in a state of apathy.

I am working as hard as I can to resolve the pain associated with my leg.  My physical therapist has given me regimen of exercises and stretches to do everyday to improve my flexibility and get my muscles back into the state that they need to be.  I am doing these exercises as many times per day as I can.  However, the therapist did tell me that my muscles are some of the tightest and least flexible she has ever seen.  She used that as a warning to let me know that my recovery is going to be lengthy and that I shouldn't plan on skiing this ski season.  That is a bummer to me, but I am going to continue to roll with the punches and make the best of the situation.

In some ways the fog is lifting from my life. The way fog lifts from the environment is that at first it slowly rises from the ground and the color slowly seems to flow into the landscape from the ground up.  I feel like there is some clarity and sense returning.  Yes - I am still very much laid up with my leg recovering but it seems as though there is some light at the end of the tunnel.  It seems as though I will have many weeks of recovery a head of me, but I am starting to accept it a lot more than I did in the first place.  I realize that for the foreseeable future hiking and doing things that require a lot of walking are out of my reach.

The other events that left me very apathetic are still very much in my thoughts, but I don't think there is anything I can do to change the direction of those events.  They have happened - I have sought to address them but they are for the most part out of my control.  So I need to practice acceptance and come to grips with them.

Zack and I are also getting very used to our life in the house alone.  The way we relate to one another is changing and growing.  Nancy's move to Cranbrook is allowing Zack to grow and take more responsibility.  It seems he and I are much more effective in our communication and Zack is doing more and more to grow to the responsibility of a 13 year old.  You can see it in how he is handling school, how tends to argue with me less and how he has taken responsibility for doing things around the house since I am not able to get around as much as normal.  As always - I am so proud of Zack!  He is showing a much greater ability to face his fears and be more independent.  Good job Z!

For the most part things continue on their normal path - though we did have a bit of a health scare with Nancy on Friday.  I was pretty certain she was going to end up in the hospital, but her doctor took a "wait and see" approach and today Nancy seems to be doing a little bit better.  Given she was feeling so badly yesterday I did have to step in and help her with a bunch of things yesterday.  She spent most of the day with me here at the house prior to going to the doctor at 3PM.  Hopefully things will continue along a positive trend for her and this entire health issue will go away.

Changes are also afoot with my work.  I found out on Thursday that come January 1, I will have a new position within my company.  The work that I will be doing in 2012 is close to what I did this year, but I will have greater responsibility and will be working with a group of clients for whom we provide services out of India.  It's been a number of years since I have been there, but it looks like I will be traveling back to India in 2012.  My boss and I talked about the need for a group of us to travel to several Indian cities in January.  During my previous trips to India I have only traveled to Bangalore and areas within a hundred mile radius of Bangalore.  This trip would involve visits to Bangalore, Pune, Mumbai, Gurgaon and possibly Hyderbad.  With the exception of the far north of India, we would be visiting cities all over India.  If my trips to India become a regular feature of my job, I will try and get Zack to go on one of those trips with me.  It would be a great benefit for Zack to see how the majority of the world lives in such extreme poverty compared to how we live in the United States.  I hope it would teach him not to take so much for granted the way he does now.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.  It is hard to believe that next week is already Thanksgiving.  Gees - where does the time go??  Zack and I are looking forward to the short work/school week and having a relaxing holiday.  Hopefully by Thanksgiving I will be able to get around a little bit better than I have this week.

Enjoy the rest of your weekends and thanks for reading!

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.

1 comment:

Rilly said...

I know what you mean about the fog...on days like that I curl up on the sofa and totally lose myself in whatever I'm reading at the time. Happy Thanksgiving.