Thursday, June 23, 2011

Some More on My Post of Last Night

I received a lot of feedback to my post of last night so I wanted to spend some time commenting on it.  Normally I write my posts very quickly and just get them out on the blog without a whole lot of thought.  Last night I was working at a place at which I volunteer and my work caused me to have some definitely deep and intense thoughts.  So in snippets of time I sat and crafted that blog post.  In the end I conveyed part of what I wanted to convey but not all of it.

The one key point that I really missed in what I expressed was about my yearning for the “normal”.  It is hard to escape the thought that the “normal” I have lived for some 21 years is gone forever.  But yet it is a thought that I must accept and be able to move on from.  I think in my relationship with Shelly I was so yearning for that “normal” and yet because we are two different people we couldn’t come to that “normal” that either one of us desired.  I think too because of the last twenty some years of Shelly’s life she yearned for that “normal” which was in reality being on her own.  So we had a very tough time making it all work out together – because our definitions of what “normal” should be were different.  (OK – I will also admit that all that happened in the fall of 2010 took its toll upon us and that was my fault.)

I guess I have to take the advice of a friend who divorced from her husband, got re-married and then became good friends with her ex-husband but then experienced the loss of her ex-husband when he died.  She told me that nothing will ever be the same again.  The normal that I lived before is gone and I have to accept life for what it is and make a “new normal”.  Well – I guess I just have to try. 

With that I hope I have put that topic out of my head for sometime to come!

Zack returned from his trip to Keystone with my sister today.  He did a good job managing his anxiety while he was on his little adventure.  He had a lot of fun experiencing all that Keystone had to offer for the day.

I am starting to become very discouraged about my stress fracture in my leg.  I am now 3 months post injury and yet I am continuing to experience a fair amount of pain in my leg at times.  I have another appointment with the orthopedic doctor next week and I am hoping I get some clarification as to what is occurring.  I would love to be out hiking every weekend but my leg just doesn’t seem ready for it quite yet.

Zack will be off to another camp tomorrow afternoon.  He is heading to Camp Comfort which is a camp put on for kids who have lost one of their parents.  I hope he will take some comfort (no pun intended) and healing away from the camp.

Lastly I am starting to finalize our plans for vacation.  We are going to stay in the mountain west we have decided and do a very big tour of some great national parks.  We are going to start by heading back to South Dakota and experiencing the Badlands and The Wind Cave National Parks.  Then we will head to Wyoming and spend some time at Devil’s Tower before heading to Casper to spend a day or two with friends there.  Then lastly we will make the stop that Zack really wants – Yellowstone.  Over the next several weeks we are going to research every geyser basin at Yellowstone and determine which ones we just have to see.  My hope is to get into the back country and see some of the more remote less-visited geyser basins.  I hope we also get to hear wolves howl!

Well – this has been a long and rambling post and it hasn’t even been inspired by a vintage such as Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, Malbec or Merlot!

Oh yeah - How can I forget the wonderful event of this evening.  Finnegan decided to roll in something nasty!  Bathing him was like trying to control a bucking bronco.  He really doesn't like his baths.  I think the neighbors must have thought I was murdering him.  Gees...  for a little puppy he can cause a lot of havoc!

I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead!

Thanks and peace to all! ~J.

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