Thursday, April 5, 2012

It's a Hard Decision

For the last several days I have been on a bit of rant with my blog posts.  Well – today will be no exception! 

One of the things that really sucks about being a single parent is having to make all the decisions by yourself.  You end up second guessing yourself to death at times.  When the decision is especially big and difficult to make it is even worse.  You really wonder what the hell you should do.

I am facing one of those major decision points today.  The decision involves whether I take a new position at my employer.  I could probably write 2 or 3 pages explaining my current position and what the new position will be.  What is the point of that?  Unless you work for my employer most of it won’t make sense.  The key points come down to this.  The new position would be part of a project team based out of Raleigh, North Carolina.  Though I could probably structure it the way I wanted there would probably be a moderate amount of travel required to Raleigh, the Philippines, China and some other countries.  Why would I want to do that given I now have a job in which I work pretty much 100% from home.  Well – the fact that I work pretty much 100% from home is the kicker.  Working from home probably seems like the greatest thing since sliced bread and to some degree it is.  However after working 100% from home for a number of years you start to see the drawbacks of it.  I am so tired of not having human contact. 

I need to figure out how to balance the needs of Zack and me being home all the time with my needs to maintain my sanity and not go crazy by being home all the time.  I have to decide all this with very little input from others.  I need to sit here and balance the good versus bad of this situation and figure out what to do.  Yes – I do have some friends and family who I can talk to about this, but it is not the same as having a partner who you sit down and evaluate all the pros and cons of the situation.

If I had a partner this won’t even probably be a question – as I would take the position in Raleigh, do my moderate amount of travel and then rely upon them to help take care of Zack when I was gone.  But that isn’t going to happen.  So what them hell do I do?  Oh and by the way I have worked with all the people involved on both sides of this situation for years.  So there is the grand possibility in the end run I am going to piss someone off – which I don’t like at all.  On top of that I need to consider everything and make a decision by Monday morning!  It is great to be wanted, but sometimes the choice is too hard to make by your self.

There is one last update for the day.  I had a discussion with the neurosurgeon today and I will be going back to the hospital to have another MRI because the pain in my back is not resolving.  Depending upon what they find it might mean yet a 3rd operation – this time it would involve the fusion of several of my vertebrae.  Hopefully I can get a break on at least this issue and not have to have another surgery.

It is time to go for the night.  Thanks and peace to all! ~J.


Anonymous said...

I am sure you will make the right decision for you and Zack. I had to laugh when I read this as I am in a similar position trying to figure how I can expand my business to Raleigh from NJ. I have an amazing opportunity to do this and my husband keeps telling me it will be fine but I worry about leaving my children for at least a week a month. It always feelslike something important in their lives comes up when I have to travel..Choices, Chpices, you never know what's right. Good luck with t he decision.

Lisa said...

I did not mean to not sign my last post. I hit the wrong button.