Monday, September 12, 2011

An Unexpected Post

This post is pretty unexpected.  Given that I am the author that is saying something.  Today is September 11, 2011.  (Well I suppose by the time I post this it will be September 12, 2011.)  There are lots of memories associated with this day - 10 years ago.

We all seem to remember where we were 10 years ago today.  It's kind of odd, but my memories of September 11, 2001 were filled with lots of good things at the beginning of that day.  You see, 10 years ago today was Zack's first day in preschool.  Patty and I had looked all around at various places for Zack to go to preschool and we had decided upon a place called Creme de la Creme.  It was supposed to be one of the best preschools in the Denver Metro area and it was only about .75 miles from our home.  It wasn't supposed to get any better than that.

The day started with a lot of excitement for us as we took lots of pictures of Zack as he headed out for his first day away from home and Mom and Dad.  We had no idea of what was taking place on the East Coast as we prepared Zack to go to school.  At the time I was working in downtown Denver at PricewaterhouseCooper Consulting so Patty and I took 2 different cars to drop off Zack at preschool.  Back in those days I was still in post-2000 election (when Boo-boo was handed the presidency by the supreme court) shock. 

Each day I listened to conservative talk radio to get my blood pressure in an uproar.  As I drove to Zack's preschool I listened to the radio and it seemed all odd.  Instead of the normal conservative talk show that I would cuss at, there was an ABC news broadcast.   At first I couldn't make any sense of it as they were talking about all flights in the US being grounded.  It took about one half of the drive to Z's preschool for everything to sink in.  Patty and Zack were right behind me so when we reached the preschool I told Patty about what was happening.  Even to this day I clearly remember telling her that we were at war.  Patty had a hard time believing it.  But confirmation was soon upon us as we walked into the preschool and were greeted with news of what was going on.

Patty stayed at the school for a while to see how Zack would do.  Instead of heading into the office I headed home to watch CNN and see what was happening.  I called our group secretary to let her know that I wasn't going to be in and she informed me that the office was closing for the day.  So I sat there and watched the news unfold on CNN.  I saw the second World Trade Center tower fall in real time - that kind of sucked.

There wasn't much to do that day as I sat in front of the TV and just watched all the news coverage.  Patty came home after a bit and joined me though she really didn't want to watch what was going on as it made her sick.  Around 11:00AM we got a call from the preschool saying come and get Zack as things weren't working out for him. (For the next 5 days we kept trying to see if he would adjust to the school, but in the end run things didn't work out and we ended up pulling him from the school.  More accurately he got kicked out!)

Around 3:00PM I decided to take a ride on my bike along the E470 trail which goes right by Centennial Airport which is one of the busiest private aviation airports in the United States.  It was so weird as there wasn't an airplane in the sky.   That is the first and only time I have seen that happen.

Today I have remembered all these things.  It seems like it was ages ago and I suppose it has been given that it took place 10 years ago.  Wow - how time has flown by!!

I can tell you even though it has been so long I still miss Patty.  This evening I sat on the couch and I watched what was one of her favorite movies - "The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring".  It just made me realize how different the world was without her.  When Patty was alive everything was organized and in it's proper place.  There weren't lots of churning emotions and difficult times.  Even 9/11 wasn't as much of a trauma with Patty around.  She grounded me and made things right.  No matter what I could turn to her and the world came into a perspective that was right and good.

Today I stand at a precipice wondering where life will take me.  I don't have any answers and I feel more confused about my direction in life than I have felt in so very a long time.  Where should I be heading?  What should I do?  I wish so much I had answers to these questions.  I know if Patty were here she would be able to provide guidance and maybe even some answers to these questions.  I don't know but I just wish for that sense of normalcy.  I know I didn't go through the trauma that so many other families did on 9/11/2001 but I still wish for that sense of normalcy that was taken from me and Zack on 7/14/2008.

Peace to all and particularly those who have dealt with the trauma that was created 10 years ago today.

Thanks!  J~.

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