Monday, August 24, 2009


Today was Zack's first day of school for the 2009/2010 school year. With it the start of school today has brought an epiphany for me. In the last 2 weeks I have really struggled with the problem of Zack's anxiety. His anxiety levels have reached such dreadful levels that it has left me questioning my sanity. Today brought acceptance from me. I have realized that his anxiety is just a consequence of what has occurred since 2006. I just need to accept it, deal with it and move on. I think up to this point I have fought it tooth and nail. I have desperately tried to make it not happen. I have tried to avoid the reality of what my son has gone through. Well - that time is up. I have come to peace with what he is suffering through and have determined that I can handle it. I can deal with his countless questions of "Are any of my fears true". I can and will help him overcome this issue as opposed to just fighting him over it. Beside my epiphany the day has not provided a lot to blog about. One of the reason I have not had a lot to blog about is that work is taking up an increasing large amount of my time. I wish it weren't so, but we are now 4 months away from the deployment of a very large ERP system and my work load seems to be increasing by the day. However, I will find the time and wearwithal to continue my blogging. As I look at my blog entries for the last month I feel like I have let myself down and I need to do a better job. As always - thanks and peace to all! - J.


Anonymous said...

Jerry, I just wanted to encourage you after your post tonight. I have been reading your blog since well before Patty died. Our family (4kids - g-18, g-17 in a few weeks, b-16 on thursday, b-11) has gone through a lot this year with my husband being laid off from Sun Microsystems after 10 years in project coordinating, managing and directing. He is thinking of totally changing careers as no one seems to be getting hired for anywhere close to his salary and job. I also, after staying home for 18 years am wrapping up my nursing prerequesets and finishing my RN. I understand Zach's symptoms of his anxiety. They are overwhelming but I think you guys will do okay. You are such a positive can- do -person and are always encouraging. I wanted to post forever but tonight seemed like a good time. Good luck and I will send up prayers for your Zach (my youngest is Zach)
another Coloradan (broomfield) andrea.

Emily Ratcliff said...

Jerry, you are a wonderful dad (and a great blogger)! I don't think a father could love his son more than you love Zack. You do so much with Zack; I am often envious of your hiking adventures! Life has not been easy for you or Zack these past few years. You are one of the strongest people I know! You face difficulties head on and don't mince words. If you are ever having a hard time and need a break, don't be afraid to call on me. I have an affinity for Zack and like to spend time with him. Tell him I will see him after fall break when I start back at Willow Creek. Be kind to yourself; you deserve it!

Julie Ranae said...

Jerry...Although I am new to your posts, I already have such a sense of the love you have for your son. I will continue to pray for Zach's anxiety and for your strength. As a parent, the pain we experience when our children suffer is indescribable. I have experienced that type of pain and I know that there must be times when you feel completely helpless. So do what you can to take care of yourself as well. Take good care and thank you as always for sharing your story.